Why do we beat ourselves up?  We are never going to be perfect.  We will continue to make mistakes; they are just opportunities to learn and grow.

And regarding mistakes, I have found something on my own personal journey that’s amazing. There are bits of me as a mom, daughter, and wife (for example) that I never loved.  I locked them away as bad and froze them in time. I avoided and denied that they existed because I was a 'good person'.

What I have found is that those trashed bits don’t go away.  They fester and pop up if not dealt with.

And the cool thing is that the cure is simple.  It’s all about acknowledgment, dropping the judgment and love. When we acknowledge these bits and stop judging them (really stop judging them, not just say we are) and when we sit with them in acceptance and love, magic happens.

It’s like pulling up a chair and sitting next to a crying child or upset teenager.  They may not want you to touch them or even speak, but your very presence helps.

Maybe it’s the first time this bit of us has been loved.  How cruel and arrogant of us to banish bits of ourselves from love. When we do so, we teach our children that bits of them are unlovable and unredeemable as well.  Children pick up on these things, even if the words are never spoken. They feel them in us and may be confused by our words that don’t match up.

Breathing is one of the primary signs of life. It is more important to us than almost anything else. If we need proof, we can ask ourselves the question, ‘Which am I willing to go without for an hour – breath, water, sunlight or food?’

Breathing has another significant function. It is a barometer read by our subconscious mind in an ongoing evaluation of our current life situation. When we feel threatened, we hold our breath or breathe shallowly. When we feel at peace we breathe fully and slowly.

Full, slow breathing sends a message of serenity to our body even when we are stressed, making it a simple, gentle yet powerful stress management tool.

Simple Breathing Techniques 

One simple breathing technique is to breathe in through the nose and out through the nose, with the out breath longer than the in breath.  When the out breath is longer, it signals the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous system to relax, release, soften and let go.  It tells the body that it's safe and secure. 

Another simple breathing technique is to breath in through the nose and out through the mouth with a sigh, a deep "ahhhh" sound.  This is a great way to let go of your day, to release the anxiety and stress that you've been carrying around in your body and just let go. 

Another breathing technique is to breathe in through the nose and out through the nose with no pause between the in breath and out breath.  This technique is called Conscious Connected Breathing.  As we breathe in, before our lungs are full, we breathe out, and and we breath out before our lungs are empty, we breathe in. It becomes a beautiful cycle. 

As we focus on our breath and oxygenate our bodies, it's no problem is we have thoughts.  Just visualize and see your thoughts and big white fluffy clouds passing before you in a beautiful blue sky.  We see and acknowledge them and let them go. 

We can practice these breathing techniques anywhere, anytime.  As we make them a part of our lives, we retrain our body to let go of stress and to welcome calm assurance as an ongoing state of being.

Other people’s opinions are none of our business. Unless what they are saying helps us to make love a priority, it’s not important. 

Opinions are judgments.  Usually, they are simply a reflection of where someone is at or what they are dealing with and have nothing to do with us. 

It’s important to protect ourselves so we are not thrown off track by someone else’s opinion.  When someone tries to force their opinion on us, they project negative streams of energy at us that can throw us off balance. We can protect ourselves by visualizing and feeling that we are surrounded by a golden bubble of protection that is filled with golden healing light.  We can affirm that we are only open to unconditional love and above.

Judgments are in the fear vibration and are not about love.  We can affirm that anything that is not about love is returned to its original source with love.   Thus, we are choosing to feel worthy of giving and receiving love.

We don’t have to share what we are thinking, feeling, and doing.  We can simply smile and nod our head in all the right places.  It’s usually easier to deflect judgment without offering an explanation or ‘making a scene’. When we choose love, say ‘no’ to fear and don’t engage in other people’s opinions, it’s easier to enjoy what life has to offer.

Welcome to What Makes a Good Coach Part 6:  Loving the Truth & Biases

As Coaches, we can see people, situations and events in a way that obstructs the truth and blocks our inner knowing. Just like the rest of humanity, we can have conscious and unconscious biases.

As good coaches, we explore our inner world and acknowledge our biases.  We review our coaching sessions to uncover skewed ways of seeing clients and their concerns, and discover better, clearer, brighter ways of handling whatever they bring to the table.

When we acknowledge any bias, opinion or judgment, we welcome in more self-acceptance; we strengthen our courage muscle so that seeing and knowing any Truth is better than hiding under a rock and playing small.

Self-reflection and going within enables us to accept our clients where they are at, no matter how they see themselves, their lives, and the world around them. 

As we more deeply care for ourselves and accept ourselves, so are we able to bring that presence of deep self-acceptance to our clients.

As good coaches, we know that we are always a work in progress, and make it a habit, a way of life of being curious and open to discovering our blind spots, what needs to be acknowledged, felt and released; what needs to be dissolved and let go.

We are not attached to our clients ‘getting’ something, having an epiphany, making a change or being different. 

We hold an open, expansive, unconditionally loving space for anything to happen, from life-changing realizations to blockages that seem insurmountable in the moment. 

All experiences and feelings are welcome.

As good coaches, we allow the Truth to be revealed in any way that helps us best serve the clients and people in our care.

We welcome the Truth, ask to be shown the Truth, ask to be shown when we’ve gone down a rabbit hole, ask to be shown when we’re being closed-minded, when we're hiding behind a wall of illusion.

We are aware that biases can be a minefield, hiding in plain sight; that uncovering what does not serve is a lifetime process; that there are always more patterns and programs that block or diminish the unconditionally loving, coaching presence that we aspire to be; that there are no shortcuts, only an ever-open inquiring heart and mind and the ability to face, feel, and transmute into love whatever dark and fearful bits rise to top.

As good coaches, we hold the ideal for our clients without desiring any particular outcome.  To do so could cloud or block where our clients need to go. 

We have an expanding worldview, a way of seeing and experiencing life and the world around us that is greater than anything we could concoct in our heads, and we help our clients acknowledge their worldview and explore ways of making their dreams and goals a reality so that their limiting beliefs can fall by the wayside too.

We show up authentic, real, and true, knowing who we are, what we bring to the world and who we aspire to be. 

There are no masks, no posturing or grandstanding, no clinging to any ways of being, no coveting any role. 

We love being of service, giving back, helping others; we enjoy learning and growing, no matter how confronting that may feel in the moment.

The joy and wonder of life wins out over playing small and staying the same; the adventure of being alive, having victories and making mistakes wins out over any embarrassment of being wrong, of having biases that were previously veiled and unknown being uncovered and dissolved in the light of Truth.

We affirm:  I love the Truth, Please show me the Truth, I choose to know the Truth. 

We Love and accept ourselves and our clients. 

We acknowledge "This is who I am, and this is where I am at." 

We hold the ideal for the highest good of all concerned.

We choose to be powerfully loving and allow love to restore the balance.